It still amazes me how much Heavenly Father love each of us. I have had this witnessed to me so many times, and it still ceases to amaze me. This past week I was once again blessed as He answered my prayers in the form of a Sacrament Meeting talk. I was struggling with a heavy heart and had been earnestly praying for several days. This was part of the answer to those prayers. I got a copy from the person who spoke. I hope this might be helpful to whoever takes the time reads it.
"Psalms 119:165, Great peace have they that love thy law, and nothing shall offend them."
Today I will use Elder Bednar's talk from October 2006's conference as the base for my talk called "And Nothing Shall Offend Them."
Most of you have probably heard the phrase "turn the other cheek." It comes from Matthew 5:39. "But I say unto you, that ye resist not evil: but whosoever shall smite thee on thy right cheek, turn to him the other also." Christ said it, and it exemplifies His attitude. President Monson said "As we develop our ability to avoid taking offense and to forgive we become more Christ-like."
Sometimes it's really easy to become offended, but when we are offended, what do we gain? WE become resentful towards whoever has offended us. This fills us with that resentment (which isn't a pleasant feeling), prompts us to break one of God's most all-emcompassing commandments (love one another). and we get absolutely nothing good in the bargain. We rob ourselves of guaranteed blessings just to hold a grudge. In his talk, Elder Bednar uses those who are offended out of the Church as an example of this self-deprivation. To these people he states, "Let me make sure I understand what has happened to you. Because someone at church offended you, you have not been blessed by the ordinance of the sacrament. You have withdrawn yourself from the constant companionship of the Holy Ghost. Because someone at church offended you, you have cut yourself off from the priesthood ordinances and the holy temple. You have discontinued your opportunity to serve others and to learn and grow, and you are leaving barriers that will impede the spiritual progress of your children, your children's children, and the generations that will follow."
Not all instances of taking offense are that dramatic, but the principle is the same. Being offended gains us nothing: it only limits our happiness. I don't know about you, but that is one thing I don't want to put limits on. Why do we want to surrender our control over joy to someones else's careless word? We don't, but that is exactly what we do when we choose to take offense.
And it is a choice. Elder Bednar said, "it is ultimately impossible for another person to offend you or me...To be offended is a choice we make; it is not a condition inflicted or imposed upon us by someone or something else."
As usual, Christ is the best example of how to react to potentially offensive situations. Put yourself in his shoes for a minute. Here you are, the Only Begotten Son of the Almighty God, come to bring salvation and eternal life to your younger brothers and sisters. You try to tell them the good news, and what do they say of you? "Is this not Jesus, the son of Joseph?" In 1 Nephi 19:9 it tells us of those who ridiculed him further: "And the world, because of their iniquity, shall judge him to be a thing of naught; wherefore they scourge him, and he suffereth it; and they smite him, and he suffereth it. Yea, they spit upon him, and he suffereth it." It even goes on to tell us why. "Because of his loving kindness and his long-suffering towards the children of men."
So not taking offense ties back into charity. When you love someone, it's hard to stay too angry with them for too long. Last Sunday our family was in McCall, Idaho attending church in an echoing barn. As the sacrament was being passed, a small child could be heard saying, "I wanna do it, I wanna do it." Within seconds, a louder yell could be heard quite clearly saying, "you're mean mommy, I hate you!!! Followed by a loud spitting sound. The mother, though most likely embarrassed, probably wasn't offended, and she didn't loose control. This is in part because she undoubtedly loves her child, and in part because she knows that the child didn't fully understand what they were saying. C. Richard Chidester said, "If you are perceiving compassionately and unaccusingly we won't have to take thought about exercising self-control. We will automatically demonstrate self-control because our hearts will be right and we will be kind."
Along the lines of the child not understanding, the same goes for many of the other people who could offend us. Oftentimes they don't mean to cause offense. Sometimes their criticism is meant to help, or sometimes they speak without knowing the full situation, or sometimes they are just oblivious. For example, when my children were much younger, I was hauling the 4 younger children from the Summerfest to our traditional parade-viewing spot to meet some other people. The kids were hot and tired, and I was carrying the twins, one in front and one in back. I also had Devin hanging on a belt loop and Kurt staying close. A woman I know very well saw me and waved. I acknowledged her with a smile and a hello, then continued on to my destination. Later on, I learned that the woman had been offended that I didn't stop to talk to her and she thought I didn't like her. I hadn't even thought of that. I was just trying to get where I was going before my back gave out. Elder Bednar states, "If you feel offended by another's words or actions, you might try to see the situation from the other person's point of view. Did he or she really mean to hurt, or was it a mistake with innocent motives? Forgiving the other person at this point will save much pain and worry. I have adopted the philosophy that usually people try to do what is right. They should be given credit for their intentions, not for the unintended outcome." End quote. If the person offends us out of ignorance, or just because they are seeing the situation from a different viewpoint, taking offense is doubly nonsensical because nothing malicious was meant. When my daughter was in first grade, a silly boy carelessly called her "fat" while they were on the playground. He hadn't meant anything by it, but it was one of the few times that she has taken offense at something. After she and I had a little talk about how he probably hadn't meant it, she quickly got over it and forgave him. Shortly after, they became fast friends, and they still are to this day. If she had harbored that offense, even in a small way, she would have missed out on one of the best friends in her life.
Remember Pahoran from the book of Alma. Remember, he was the chief judge who received a rather long and not exactly kind letter "by way of condemnation" (Alma 60:2) from Captain Moroni. Moroni accused Pahoran of neglecting the soldiers by not sending them supplies and more or less put most of the army's problems at Pahoran's feet when the chief judge had nothing to do with any of it, and had been dealing with a rebellion that had put him out of power. But instead of rebuking Moroni by saying something like "You don't know what you're talking about, you fool!" he instead chose these words, recorded in alma 61:2 and 9, "Behold, I say unto you, Moroni, that I do not joy in your great afflictions, yea, it grieves my soul...And now, in your epistle you have censured me, but it mattereth not, I am not angry, but do rejoice in the greatness of your heart." Pahoran knew that Moroni acted out of love for his men, not out of a desire to hurt Pahoran. Pahoran gave Moroni credit for his intentions and neglected the unintended outcome.
Of course, malignant intent does occasionally drive the work or action that could cause offense, but that doesn't change anything. It comes back to giving the capacity to limit our happiness to others. Of all the people to give the power over our happiness to, the last one we want to give it to is a person who wishes us ill. When we take offense, we are giving up our agency and allowing others to dictate parts of our lives while we receive no benefit in return.
But let's be honest: we aren't perfect. We are going to get offended sometimes. These things happen. What are we supposed to do then? Vengeance is out, because that probably isn't going to go over well. Other options include moping, moaning, sulking, and avoiding the offender completely. None of those sound very good either, and though the last option is tempting, I would necessarily classify it as charitable or Christ-like.
In and article in the August 1998 Ensign, Denise Turner says, "We have a responsibility to freely forgive, even when we have not been asked to do so. We need to exercise patience with others." close quote. When we exercise patience, we allow people to change and grow. If we don't forgive, even if they change, we will never see them as having done so, and to us they will always be that person who offended me that one time and I haven't liked them since.
It is not only for the benefit of others that we must forgive. According to Alexander Pope: "To err is human; to forgive, divine." George Herbert, a seventeenth-century poet said "He that cannot forgive others breaks the bridge over which he himself must pass if he would ever reach heaven, for everyone has need of forgiveness." And we certainly all need forgiveness when it comes to offending others.
In James3:2 it says, "For in many things we offend all. If any man offend not in work, the same is a prefect man, and able also to bridle the whole body." Last time I checked, I wasn't perfect, and I don't think anyone else in this room is either. I could be wrong, but I don't thing so. We must to try very hard not to offend others, but in the instances when we inevitably do, we should do our best to reconcile ourselves with them. Some will insist on holding their grudge. Proverbs 18:19 says, "A brother offended is harder to be won than a strong city." but that doesn't mean we shouldn't do everything we can. And even if they don't forgive us, if we are truly penitent, God will. That's what the atonement is for--it is a way for us to become perfect in Christ. Amen
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